Many of us wander through life with no real purpose or
destination. We are uncertain of where
we’re headed. We spend countless hours
dreaming up a better life. In the midst
of our confusion we seek to find purpose in the dream that others made for us,
because quite honestly, we aren’t really sure how to really live out our
dreams, because it seems like when we do they never really fulfill us like we
thought they would.
So in order to fill that deep longing in our souls we pursue
the American dream; success, money, a family, relationships, you name it, but
if we could be quite honest we’re still just as depressed at the end of the day
with all these things in our lives.
Then maybe the answer is to seek whatever gives us the
greatest pleasure, so we run after what makes us feel good and we immerse
ourselves into sex, alcohol or we put ourselves in positions where due to our
pride, we feel pretty great about ourselves, but in the long run that doesn’t
work either.
I used to wander.
I longed to be loved and feel beautiful, so I chased after
boys and thought if I had a cute boyfriend on my arm that I’d be happy, but I
always did and I felt just as empty. I
thought if I were thin that meant I was beautiful, but no matter how thin I got
I still felt ugly when I looked in the mirror.
I hated my life. I
believed that I was worth less, that my life had no purpose and that I would
never amount to anything. I felt so
ugly. I hated the thought of another
day. I didn’t see the point in
life. I was wandering and everyone was
telling me where I needed to go to find happiness, but that just wasn’t
working.
On the outside I looked like I had it all together pretty
good. I was successful at sports, I did
well in school, and was on the fast track to going to Millikin University to
play golf for the school and get a college degree.
Yet, I was miserable, hopeless and depressed. Maybe you can relate?
Ironically though, in my wandering, I was found. I remember the day, July 30th,
2002, 11 years ago. I’d grown up in the
church and I knew all about this Jesus guy who others had told me had died for
my sins and was the Son of God. Quite
honestly, before that day I didn’t really get it. I’d never come face to face with the reality
that yes, I was a sinner, I had done wrong and before a Holy God it is only by
His mercies that He has sent Jesus to die for me on my behalf, so that I could
be set free from my sin and restored back into right relationship with God
through the sacrificial death of Jesus Christ.
I remember what I was wearing, Doc Marten shoes, American
Eagle jeans and one of my favorite tops with blue and red stripes. The fact that I remember what I was wearing
speaks to the how powerful this moment was to me in my life considering I don’t
remember what I ate for lunch yesterday.
I was tired of wandering.
I was tired of the restless nights, crying myself to sleep, I was done
with the feelings of despair and hopelessness.
My way of living life wasn’t working.
I was finished with me running the show. Something drew me to this
Jesus, something told me that in His hand that He held the keys to my
freedom.
I saw Him in my sister, she had joy, hope, purpose and
peace. I longed for those things and I
came to realize she had all of these promises and more, because of Jesus.
It became so clear to me that night as the Youth Pastor
shared a message with all of us. He
said, we’re all dirty rags because of our sin and the only way we can enter
into Heaven is to have a clean rag and the only person that can wash our rag
clean is Jesus.
For the first time it all made sense. I had made a mess of my life and I needed
forgiveness. I needed a healer. It was in that moment that
I said,
“God, I’m so tired of
living life on my own, please, wash this rag clean and help me start a new life
through Jesus Christ”.
Even as I type those words my eyes well with tears as I recall that
moment. In an instant everything
changed. I knew that my life would never
be the same. It was as if someone lifted
a great burden off of my shoulders and for the first time I could walk in true
freedom.
I wasn’t a prisoner anymore to despair and sadness. Something inside of me sprung to life. It was Jesus.
He captured my heart, invaded my soul and put a new song in me.
Jesus, oh what a wonderful name. His love set me free, His peace became my
hope and His joy became my crown.
I had been made brand new.
I had become a new creation through Jesus Christ (2 Cor 5:17)
Sure, life has still had its ups and downs. I’ve experienced some very painful things in
life these past 11 years as I’ve walked with Jesus and have experienced
sadness, yet my life is anchored and founded upon a solid rock. Even in the midst of great pain I know that
my hope is found in something that cannot be shaken. I place my hope in the person of Jesus Christ
and I find that in my pain He brings healing.
Are you wandering?
There is good news for you. There
is a healer and His name is Jesus!
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free - Galations 5:1
