When I Gave Up on Ministry

...a smoldering wick he will not snuff out...(Matt 12:20)

It wasn't long ago when I decided I was done with ministry. It had become too burdensome, too tiring and I had convinced myself I was going to fail, so before I did, it was time to get out. I had no joy in serving. I was hanging on until the end of the ministry year so I could go on vacation, thinking a week away would be the re-charge that I needed. 

Little did I know the real problem was I had fallen away from my first love. I had become so busy doing ministry and other activities, filling my plate and time with numerous things that I had no time to rest in the Lord. I had no time to truly sit at the feet of Christ, studying the scriptures, seeking Him in prayer and solitude. 

Thankfully, Jesus, in His kindness did not snuff me out. By all accounts, He should have and just moved on to the next ready and willing soul to be used of Him. Yet, in His loving-kindness and mercy He showed me the real remedy for my defeat was not a week vacation, but the need to rest in Him. 

I remember reading a book for my masters degree on the need for quietness and solitude during this time in my life a couple of years ago. It was so convicting to me, because I recognized that I had made doing ministry for Jesus above my relationship with Him.

Soon after I made the commitment to make time for rest, to get into the word daily and set aside time for extended prayer and worship. As time went on Jesus took my smoldering wick and poured on it the life-giving oil of the Holy Spirit and soon I became a fire burning with hope, security and confidence in the Lord Jesus. 

A life set on fire for Jesus is no secret. The formula is really quite simple. 

Rest in Christ + Prayer + Time in the word of God = the power of the Holy Spirit being poured out on your life. 

I am more convinced than ever that those who are most hungry for God and most passionate for Jesus are the ones who have continually, with unwavering commitment, sat at His feet. They long to hear what the healer as to say to them. They cannot imagine life without Him. They love His word and they are devoted to prayer. 

I am no fool to think I could never become a smoldering wick again, if I were to neglect setting aside time to rest in the presence of God. 

I'm not sure where you are today. If you are a fire blazing or a smoldering wick. Know this, Jesus has the life-giving oil of the Holy Spirit that He wants to pour out into your life. If life meets you in a smoldering spot remove those obstacles that keep you from sitting at His feet. He will meet you there and in His presence you will be made new. 

Lord Jesus, I know that I am capable of deep sin. If I stray, call me back. If I neglect time with you, burn within me. Remind me of your love. If I become a smoldering wick once again Father, lead me back, by your grace to a deeper walk with you. Jesus, burn brightly in your daughter to the praise of your glorious grace and for the proclamation of your gospel. In Jesus name. Amen.